This will hurt me...

" Go this way! ", it seems to be saying. They're sprucing up The Shed down on the waterfront. Quite how day-glo eighties nostalgia bits 'n pieces tacked on the what it ultimately an aircraft hanger sans aircraft is an improvement is beyond me. It's an embarrassment! A disaster! A travesty! A tragedy! I need to knock of the television news for a while...

A couple of weeks back I arrive at work, and who should I find waiting for me, patiently and orderly in rows just across the road from the front door? The Royal Australian Navy , that's who! The HMAS Darwin is a long-range escort frigate [snigger snigger] that seems to be a jack of all trades vessel: area air defence, anti-submarine warfare, surveillance, reconnaissance and interdiction. In a potentially sexy turn of phrase, the ship is capable of countering simultaneous threats from the air, surface and sub-surface . Quite. The Navy refused to confirm or deny that the frigate [snigger snigger] was in town to prevent a flock of Mexican flying pigs from entering Tasmanian airspace and spreading the dreaded La temido gripe de cerdo Mexicana ! On that, actually, canny Swede Professor Hans Rosling has released a video well worth watching. Rosling has calculated the ratio of news article coverage versus actual deaths in the context of the recent La temido gripe de cerdo Mexicana ou...

I have endeavoured to warn the world of the threat posed by rampaging wallabies previously on this blog , but did people listen? Of course they didn't! Some people seem to think that just because they're little, furry, cuddly and herbivores, wallabies are not brutal, godless killing machines . Thank the lord for the good folk in the proud state of Queensland (for our American friends, think Texas, only with cane toads, corruption and slow talking). One of the world's most respected newspapers, The Townsville Bulletin , has lifted the lid on the murky morass that is the moral quagmire of the elderly/marsupial relationship in the Smart State in the year 2008. As the bold graphic in the Bulletin piece says, these cold blooded killers are stalking seniors ! Consider these terrifying facts people: Faeces left on patios, with residents opening their back doors and stepping in it ! A vision impaired old dear was innocently hanging clothes on the washing line, only to discove...

Long-time readers of this blog will know of my commitment to alerting the world of dangerous creatures. Whether it is Argentinian terror-gnomes , Nazi squirrels or sexually aggressive seals , I pride myself in raising global awareness of specific threats. So, naturally my ears pricked up when I heard this tale from Queensland. With what appears to be no recourse to hyperbole whatsoever , colourful local identity Alwyn "Bones" Bailey has described a terrifying attack on his nine year old dirt magnet. Bones told an excited press corps that his presence alone saved the life of son Morgan, who would have been mauled to death by what may have been zombie herbivores, driven by a lust for blood . "It's deadset serious. Someone should get a gun and shoot the buggers," Mr Bailey argued. "They're not just friendly, cute little wallabies any more – they're killers !" "I had to belt him [the rampaging wallaby] across the face twice, then he came ...