This will hurt me...

Finally! Irrevocable proof! Jesus was a traitor! Imagine that, anointing the Fritz on the way to butchering the good guy. What a bugger. I’d love to see the logic behind the central tenets of Christ that would generate an assumption that he’d be anointing his approval of trench warfare…

In all seriousness, every time I revisit these most excellent Communist propaganda posters, I wonder why they lost the Cold War. Today’s poster features the innovative, exceptional and persuasive slogan: Have a happy holiday! Nothing says “happy holidays” like Marx and Engles frolicking in the forest with some joyously cheerful kiddies! It is funny really, when others think about ideas like dialectical materialism , the dictatorship of the proletariat or the concept of relative surplus-value , they envisage dour grey industrialised wastelands and soot-coated agitators. Myself, nothing says the production of absolute and relative surplus-value more than a rosy cheeked cherub picking pansies in fields of flowers.

Does this mean that we should eat more semi-subsistence farmers too?

Alternate slogan: " If the Kaiser can't kill 'em, we sure as hell will! "

I have said on a number of occasions - and apologies in advance to my Latvian readers - that I miss the Red Menace™. It was a simpler time when honest, God-fearing folk knew who the enemy was: the heathen, black-hearted Soviet hordes from those countries where people ate turnips and lived in soulless grey cities lacking in jazz clubs and technicolour films. Their women were hairy legged peasants (or untrustworthy vixens), men nicotine-stained meatheads, and children mindless zombies pre-programmed to know nothing of love, family or nylon stockings. We had our bombs trained on them, and were ready to destroy the world, lest their bland Bolshevik tendencies overwhelm our fun loving will to strip malls, strip clubs and ready access to hardcore pornography! Better DEAD than Red , remember!

I would advise all of my dear readers to take the take, click on today's advertisment, and have a good hard think about what it says. All of this time I had thought that it was the average fighting Joes who won the Second World War. Hardcore Marines storming beaches, heroic air crews dropping bombs surrounded by flak, the oft-overlooked merchant seaman chugging away on ships dodging treacherous seas (and even deadlier) submarines the whole time simply to get life’s pure essentials (which, apparently, did not include bananas but plenty of bombs) from point A to point A . Naively – damn fool that I am – I thought that it was the fearless Soviet troops thrusting towards Berlin, the countless riveting Rosies pumping away day and night in factories, the old dears knitting socks for the care packages for the valiant lads wasting away in Colditz, and the kids who dreamed of nothing more than bayoneting some heartless Fritz or Jap until his last twitch ceased. Hell, I thought that it mi...

A week ago know I wrote of wartime propaganda and its role in recruitment drives. Now, I was bold enough then to suggest that the old “ irate guy with a bullet in his head ” approach may not be the wisest or most successful tactic. Here we can see a far more effective approach: question their manhood . The logic here is clear: if they could, girls (dirty, stinkin’ broads!) would get out there and slaughter krauts and japs all day long. Unfortunately, steadfast patriarchal structures limit the opportunities for our feminine friends to get blood on their hands. That leaves it to men . Big, tough, hairy-chested MEN to do the job. What’s that? You don’t wanna kill japs and krauts? What are ya? Some kinda fairy...?

Propaganda from the outside looks like a pretty cushy gig, working up the masses with simplistic slogans has never been too hard, let’s face it. Consequently, this blog has featured its fair share of it. Some of my favourites include: The impressive North Korean campaign to defeat imperialist wolves through a superior swimming technique . Rose cheeked children wish East Germany all the best . The cheeky “I’ll let you do filthy, disgusting things to me if you risk your life for the nation”. Chipper’s “it must suck to be a JAP kid!” The loneliest communist in the United States lives in Mississippi. Failing to resist the temptation of the pleasuring of the self will bring about the rumination of a young man. W hy are we fighting? For a lamb in a bow with a laurel wreath on its head and a flower tucked behind its ear, of course! Above is a new one to add to that list. Here we have a novel bit of propaganda on a postcard, dating from the Spanish Civil War (an interesting time for those ...

Forgive my shoddy MS Paint skills, but when Henry pulled this pose yesterday, I knew that I would just have to use the photo, even if it was so flooded with light that it was difficult to look at. The moment that finger went up, it sparked an instantaneous recognition of the “Lenin pose” (as I like to call it) and consolidates all that I have foreseen of this young man thus far .

I was relieved to read in The Times (of London, no less) this morning that the art of the Stalinist propaganda poster is not yet dead. The Times was promoting a gallery showing for North Korean propaganda posters, and included a few examples of the form for our education. Sadly, I could only read about such pearlers as “Let's grow more sunflowers!”; “Let's breed more high-yielding fish!”; or the wonderfully obscure "In all institutions and workplaces, let's popularise basketball!” Another delightful one exhorts: "Let's expand goat rearing and create more grassland in accordance with the party!" Wise words. However, I have chosen to bypass some that you might expect to see ("Let's take revenge a thousand times on the US imperialist wolves!") in favour of something more harmonious. So today I present you a message that ALL nations should adhere to: "Let's all become perfect swimmers!" Let us just...

Two ads for today, and they have a political theme. As in any dictatorship, anniversaries were big events in the former-East Germany. My post for today features some government posters prepared for the thirtieth anniversary of the DDR in 1979. The emphasis that you can see in the two that I have chosen is generally indicative of the propaganda line of the state: a youthful, peace-loving, hard-working nation that was strongly supported by its citizens. And didn’t that turn out to be true? These posters interest me as much for the way that they conflict with the general idea of what East Germany was supposed to be like as the designs themselves. Remember, for most of us in the West the images of the DDR were stark: depressing, horrible food, old people shuffling about, monotonous, tired, lots of mullets , angry in a despondent kind of way. Really, it was like Devonport. "Our congratulations!" "Everything for Human Happiness." A broader collection of thirtieth annivers...

Today's ad is best seen as a counterpoint to the previous one . Accordingly, if cute 'n fluffy, sweet little lambs with flowers in their hair cannot stir your loins for a fight, perhaps extreme violence will! I like the touch of Rambo about this one.