This will hurt me...

Even the splendid Mount Wellington is blighted by the curse of the phallus. No, it's not a nuclear ICBM primed and ready to put New Zealand back into the stone age. Nor is it a TELEPHONE tower enabling spotty teens to cyber bully the delicate little flowers quivering in front of their tiny keypads. No, it's dedicated to the wonders of television and radio ! Without this baby, the good folk of Hobart would have no idea about Falcon the balloon boy, and we wouldn't know that Michael Jackson is dead (or is he...?) But it is Theme Thursday , and I am not here to talk about television, as the theme is TELEPHONE. It might not surprise you, but I hate the TELEPHONE [it's number thirty seven on my list]. I hate answering the phone (I generally don't unless I'm getting paid). I hate the way that they ring, buzz, beep and rattle. I hate people that go on about their phones. I hate telemarketers, teleprinters, telegeography. Man, I even hate Telly from Sesame Street.

" EZRA! Get off the phone already! " Honestly, all of these phone calls to supermodels is going to send me broke...

Two Telecom Telstra towers that loom over Davey Street as it turns into Sandy Bay Road. Some years ago, while fuelled with Dutch Mexican Courage late one night I made it a good way up that red and white one there. If you’re reading this Henry, disregard that last comment. I am of the firm opinion that titular wonder that is Johnny and the... can carry any suffix to a serviceable band name. I’ve tried all sorts, from the bland to the inspired: Johnny and the Cats . Johnny and the Rebels . Johnny and the Detectives . Johnny and the Miracles . Johnny and the Broken Down Washing Machine . Johnny and the Over Theorising French Post Structuralists . I happen to think they all work, which leads me to today’s Tuesday Q and A : is there your own personal " Johnny and the [insert suffix here] " that you like best? Any you think don’t work?

The title today is a favourite of mine from Abe Lincoln (the President, although it does rather sound like the astute gentleman from Brookville, Ohio ). I think that captures very well my feelings toward the now (for the most part) privatised Australian telecommunications giant Telstra . Once the envy of the world, they are now renowned for their poor service. Let’s just say that the transition from bloated relic of an era where state ownership was the go into a competitive field where dynamic responses to technological change is crucial in maintaining relevance has been somewhat difficult for the artist formally known as Telecom Australia. Certainly this Geilston Bay resident feels so, anyway! I myself would have written "Typical Bloody Telstra !!! ", but I am known for the odd dramatic flourish now and again... [Now don’t forget today’s question , there is a lot riding on this...]

I realise that I haven’t featured a cartoon in a while, so I thought that I’d shared the latest from xkdc , a leader in the art of tragicomic ‘toons. I did enjoy this very much, and would be quite happy to claim this as my own epitaph. Unfortunately my mobile is always switched to silent vibrate (oh er...), and I only ever answer calls from Jen anyway!