This will hurt me...

Man, if there is one thing that I CANNOT stand, it is war rudeness poverty theft man's inhumanity to man wanton environmental destruction wives who neglect their stockings . C'mon girls, as the ad says, husbands admire wives who keep their stockings perfect . Conversely, husbands detest and abhor slovenly oafs who crash about like drunken moose with ladders from here to eternity. Fair dinkum ladies, check out that look of disgust the dude above is giving his wife while she's there knitting away, completely unaware. She'll only have herself to blame if he starts fooling around with a more careful dame. This message was brought to you in the interests of marital bliss and harmony between the sexes.

As someone who does most of the cooking in this household, pulls his weight with the children and is far more inclined towards OCD with regards cleaning than my wife, I wonder what role the modern wife plays. Casting my gaze over these vintage advertisements, one can see why conservitive talk show hosts and former Australian Prime Ministers long for the 'golden age' of sexual politics. Why, this little old blog has featured women cooking , cleaning , reclining in a bikini , preparing multiple salad dressings , ensuring clean drains , helping the war effort , being pleasantly useless , ensuring their 'feminine hygiene' is adequate , unable to resist arseholes , pushing men to the end of their tether , gardening in uncomfortable-looking shorts , taking a beating and enjoying it and entertaining the troops . So I ask again, what role the modern woman? Surely not that envisaged by ad number fifty sums it up? Say it ain't so ladies!

Some time ago I reflected upon Dr George W. Crane's Marital Rating Scale from the 1930s. You will be happy to hear that prior to Ezra's early arrival, I discovered an online version of the test. Now, after things have settled down somewhat, I have been able to inform all that visit this here humble website so that you can all contribute to saving your marriages . In the interest of honesty and openness, my wife and I completed the test together, and I scored a healthy mark. I will be honest with you though, 1930s husbands set the bar awfully low. That said, there are a few areas where I need to pick up my game. Who knew that "drawing in pencil on the tablecloth" annoyed women so much? Go figure! 133 As a 1930s husband, I am Very Superior Take the test!

We are rapidly approaching advertisement number fifty, so I am going to have to find a pearler for that! Today though, we are back to one of the many, many ads that feature our feminine friends (kind of like “our feline friends”, except with ladies instead of cats). I like this one very much, but am extremely disappointed that Mornidine, a drug once prescribed for morning sickness, was withdrawn for public consumption in 1969. My wife and I have not spoken at great length about it, but I am reasonably certain that her inability to get up and cook me a full and hearty breakfast each day was Jennifer’s greatest concern that arose from her bout of morning (all day) sickness. More distressingly for everybody concerned was the effect her queasiness contributed to the reaction of Henry, the caveman toddler , who – in the main – becomes livid when his needs are not catered for instantaneously. In the failure to adequately fulfil her matrimonial and motherly duty, Jennifer herself was quite up...

Regular readers of this blog will know how passionately committed I am to ensuring that people are empowered to cultivate a marriage that remains loving , passionate and most of all successful . Whether it is awareness around ignorance in the area of inadequate drainage ; the importance of complete feminine hygiene , particularly when a wife is lax about issues related to her charm and health; the intimate relationship between a woman’s work ethic and her attractiveness; why regular beatings are not conducive to a constructive partnership; as well as the importance of fresh coffee . Thus, I would like to think that this record, and many, many years of successful marriage (over two consecutive years and rising!) more than establishes my qualifications as an effective source of marital guidance. Personably, I owe most of my practical knowledge about dealing with a temperamental spouse through the groundbreaking and still magnificent work of the long departed, but dearly missed, Barba...