This will hurt me...

Opening gambit: our children are lucky because they will live far longer than us . Flanking manoeuvre: they should thank their lucky stars that the medical science has made all of this possible. By 'medical science', read doctor (as in 'Mengele') . Frontal assault: the MAN who is RESPONSIBLE for prolonging your children's lives LOVES to smoke. LOVES IT. In fact, the smokes - POSSIBLY - explain his EXTRAORDINARY superpowers skills. Dubious conclusion: Docs are TOPS. Docs love to SMOKE. Ciggies must be GREAT . As a side note, I'd also like to draw attention to the fantabulous 'T-Zone' theory: FORGET THE EVIDENCE, your throat DOESN'T LIE. Even when you're bombarding it with carcinogens.

Madame Curie and her radiation, Newton and his apples, Einstein and his zany hair, Hawking and that voice thing, Fermi and his particles, Maxwell and his electric fields, Salk and his vaccines, on and on it goes. What is the one thing that they had in common? A fondness for the gaspers , that’s what! Do people really believe that the confluence of the scientific revolution and the arrival of tobacco in Europe is a mere coincidence? Nothing says science than late nights, pizza, loud music and a smoke filled room. Look at this dude here in today’s ad, he’s like Bill Wyman strumming away on his bass with a ciggie in hand. Just like Bill wouldn't be able to strum out that funky and sleazy opening salvo of Miss You (let alone his sleazy come-ons to underage girls) without a handy Peter Stuyvesant , the Chesterfield that you see above is perfectly weighted to maximise the fiddling of the dial on the microscope you see. That’s where they went wrong in ye olden days (that and their at...

It is no surprise that people who write advertisements have a tendency to be quite liberal [ahem] with the truth. My experience in researching and writing this series on vintage ads (thousands of hours every single week alone!) tells me that of all the shysters, scammers, tricksters, con artists, deceivers, dissimulators, fablers, fabricators, fabulists, falsifiers, fibbers, phonies, charlatans, double-dealers, four-flushers, griftera, smooth operators and flim flam men that I've seen, those involved in the promulgation on the filthy habit that is cigarette smoking are the most brazen offenders. Yet it is far worse than a decadent art rolling around in it's own filth. We know the great crimes of the ad man, that is no surprise. But to drag the good name of dentistry through the mud is a bridge too far . I am not sure which of the nineteen thousand, two hundred and ninety three dentists were willing to put their name to the outrageous claims made above, but they have sha...

I was playing with some numbers yesterday that came across my desk and fed into the Department of Health and Human Services State of Public Health 2008 report and was surprised by a little quirk that I really hadn’t thought about. Now, we probably are all intrinsically aware of the clear divergence in health status between the most disadvantaged and most advantaged groups in our society. Statistically, lower socioeconomic status (SES) is associated with higher disability levels and higher premature death rates. Low SES – whichever way you choose to measure it: income, educational attainment or occupation – means poorer health, a higher incidence of chronic conditions and higher levels of health care utilisation. Moreover, health inequalities do not just indicate disadvantage, they tend to drive further disadvantage. Now for those who do not know, Tasmania – for a lot of historical, geographical, economic and sociological reasons – trails the rest of the country (bar the Northern Terri...

The descriptions in today’s ad are top notch. Only the best adman in the business could get some of this stuff across the line. As a lifelong non-smoker, for the most part the images promoted here are the antithesis of smoking in my mind. Read the descriptions to yourself, and even better, read them in a husky, feminine voice. Go on, you know that you like doing that: the 'coolness ' the ' true mildness ' the ' ripe, delicate taste and fragrance of smoking pleasure at its best '. Oops , excuse me; I think I've just climaxed... Right, where were we? Yeah, the whole thing screams what French literary ( wankery ) types call jouissance . Looking back at some of these ads, I can actually get some sort of sense of how something as unappealing (on so many levels) as smoking cigarettes managed to become so popular. If it weren’t quite so tragic, it rightly could be recognised of one of human history’s greatest achievements! I also like the notion of 'more sm...

Ronald Reagan certainly knew how to keep friends and family happy. It's this sort of generosity of spirit that got him to the presidency. I especially like the notion of a happy "Christmas Card" carton. There would be nothing nicer than kick back on Christmas morning, cracking open Ronnie's present, and smoking up a storm while watching the kids frolic about on their new bikes. Good times!

Today's advertisement endorses the old adage of "treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen". I have met a number of men who fancy themselves with the ladies (always bachelors, of course), who swear by this approach to wooing the opposite sex. I myself am a firm believer in the maxim "whatever advice precedes or follows the sentence ' the ladies love this ' will generally achieve a contrary outcome". A heads up to Sue who sent me the ad, I hope that you're getting some peace and quiet.

You just have to admire the sheer brazenness of this ad. There's no doubt in my mind that – by this point – Philip Morris as an organisation would be aware of the link between smoking and cancer, respiratory diseases, diseases of the cardiovascular system and no doubt many other potential problems, the ad itself suggests it ("far less irritation to the smoker's nose and throat"). So in the face of that (assumed) knowledge, to actually run with a 'safety first' line when you're essentially selling a long and unpleasant death? BRAVO Philip Morris, bravo...

I wonder if doctors are still endorsing specific brands of cigarette? I'm also left wodering if there is anywhere in the world left with lax legislation to advertisments around smoking.