This will hurt me...

Mommas don't let your babies grow up to be pirates...

Henry takes on the pirates!

Arrr, look out, gar! Thar be some 'ery naughty people approachin' us on the port side and Me think that their intentions be somewhat less than honourable.

Henry is practising his pirating skills at West Beach in Burnie, way back in January.\ At the moment he's good at yelling " AAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH ", scaling rope ladders, extreme violence, and making a mess; he's less proficient in grog drinking, sea shanties and burying treasure.

Presenting the latest in Tasmanian technical innovation: Tasmanian anti-pirate suicide ducks. In a variation of the disgraceful cultured French practice of Foie gras , the ducks are force-fed nitroglycerine, and then trained to zero in upon - kamikaze style - all vessels bearing the jolly roger. The testing process has seen some success, with the occasional accident involving children's birthday parties...

Here is one from last week. Yes, more rigging set against an ominous sky. Like the weather, I am predictable if nothing else! That said, today I have been treated - incredibly - by a clear blue sky and a nip in the air that suggests the rain may have abated for a while. It has, however, left its mark with the water across the whole waterfront area a lovely shade of brown ( pictures at 10 ). For a second there I was confused, thinking that I was strolling along the Yarra River! In this, the existential melodrama of life took a decidedly Lynchian twist (without any bald midgets).

It's morning, it's spring, it's Hobart, it's the sea, it's boats, it's sunshine! You know what that means? It's PIRATE TIME! Oh wait, no it isn't. It's FATHER'S DAY. Sunday Top Five! My Top Five Children : 1. [tied] Henry and Ezra. 3. [unfilled] 4. [N/A] 5. [late scratching]

Here is a seagull ably keeping guard over a pirate brig down on Elizabeth Street dock. He's a good lad, fit, keen of mind and body, the ideal crew mate really. Quick to action, and has a temper. Oh we've had some scrapes over the years! There was a nasty incident involving a parrot, a spilled mug of grog and a broken cutlass back in Nombre de Dios that meant that we had to high tail it and lay low over in Port Royal for a couple of months. Jimmy got killed and Javier was flayed by some cannibals. We can laugh about it now, but at the time it was terrible.

Looking up to where the crow's nest should be, I see no pirates, parrots or Great White Sharks. I see ropes, levers and wispy clouds, but not a brigand , buccaneer nor buggering bastard in sight! It was such a disappointment. Christ I am tired. Neighbours who come home after a night on the piss, put on their heartfelt torch songs on far too loud while they have a smoke and reflect on their lack of romantic success should be shot.

I think that the central reason that both of my boys love the beach so much is that deep within - underneath the manners, dictatorial tendencies and transcendental philosophy - lurks the spirit of a pirate. Check out that grin. You'd have thought that he'd just scored an extra ration of rum!

I had the camera in hand and went for a bit of a stroll this fine morn before work. The main reason was the incredible light, a touch of mist and a nice, smooth river. In fact, I was so impressed by the scene that I garnered a few shots to showcase the attractiveness of Hobart on a calm winter’s morning. The first is the typical ‘picture postcard’ image on Elizabeth Street Pier. I am about ninety percent certain that this vessel is the striking brigantine Windeward Bound . Much to the delight of Henry, the brigantine was a favourite of Mediterranean pirates, its name deriving from the Italian word "brigantino" which meant ‘brigand's ship’. As an aside, I found the brigantine a wonderfully versatile craft in the tremendous computer game Sid Meier's Pirates! Quick and agile, it was a magnificent ship to use until you were lucky enough to score a ‘brig of war’ or (eventually) the almost unbeatable ‘Ship of the Line’. So, if you are currently a pirate, or you’re looking...