Today, despite the snow on the mountain and general brisk temperatures, I had spent a lovely lunch sitting in the park appreciating the sun and agreeable vista.
Of course, such serenity inevitably prompts on to reflect upon weighty subjects such as one’s life and general purpose.
I read an article the other day on the notion of parenthood and happiness. The general thrust was obvious to me (that having children in-and-of-itself will not make someone happy), but clearly a disappointment to many others.
I will be honest with you and share the fact that prior to young Henry’s appearance on this planet, I was somewhat ambivalent to the idea of having children. I had no set against it, mind you; but nor did I have any drive to become a father.
Of course, now that he is here I would not have it any other way, and today I had cause to contemplate another unforeseen bonus of the little bloke. On occasion (from even early on in my life), I would stop and ask myself “have you in any way today made the world a better place?” Conversely, I would then ask “have you in any way today made the world a worse place?”
Often the answer would be a “no” on both counts (which on the surface sufficed, but underneath troubled me somewhat).
Yet these days, even if I have achieved very little in the day, I will at least tell myself “well, I read Henry a story” or “Henry and I had laugh together” which affords me on those occasions that I ask myself the above question with the opportunity to say “yes, I think that I made the world a slightly more decent place”.
And that makes me feel a little bit better about myself.
Comments
I have 5 children (none in prision) and my advice on parenthood is "do the right thing and things will be right". Because we look at the world from our own eyes, we often fail to notice how our acts affect people.
If you had any doubts about making the world a better place to someone, rest assured your writing made my day better.
And you needn't be so bescheiden about it. hehe
You know. . . tikkun olam (bettering or repairing the world) is central to Judaism. BTW, guilt seems to go along with our inadequacy there. Kris, are you sure you're not Jewish. ;)
Made the world a worse place? ME?! Unfortunately sometimes I do in anger or impatience.
I'd like to think the positive I spread outweighs the negative, though. ;-)
Of course, it's heaps of fun and it makes Henry's world a better place but what does it do for the rest of us?
Is it the theory that by providing Henry with happy, loving up-bringing he will grow up to be a productive, contributing member of society - coz that doesn't quite follow, does it? I'm not thinking of poor abused children who grow up to be abusers, but children who do have wonderful childhoods and grow up to be amoral twats. And what about those children that grow up in horrid circumstances and turn out to be outstanding human beings?
Am I just crapping on, now?
Yes, probably.
I guess it's just so close to that karma thing - and I think that is a heap of bull - you can probably guess why.
(And probably because there is a documentary on the tv in the background about the nazis, as I write this).
Also, I appreciate that there are exceptions to most rules, but the facts are that better parenting = better citizens. Again, because Fred Bloggs is an arse who screws around on his missus despite a decent upbringing, should Joe Smith say “bugger taking the brat the park, I’m off to the pub! He might turn into a prick whatever I do”. That ‘logic’ translates into far bigger areas too (economics, taxation, health policy etc).
The message that I was trying to convey is that one of the benefits that I have found (unexpectedly) in having Henry, is that it is far easier to positively impact on someone else’s life – with little personal gain – every day.
I didn’t go out of my way to do it before. I could have if I really wanted to, but I didn’t. Henry has just made me more aware of that.
As for philosophical thoughts - it is definitely great joy to have children. Even though he will not remember most of his childhood and therefore will not be able to fully appreciate it I personally believe that you are "programming" (in a good way) Henry's subconscious mind and seeing his progress will be gratifying.
I dunno, you must have struck a nerve.
years from now it wouldn't matter if you have lots of money or famous and beautiful, what matters is that a child's life has been inspired by you for giving him the attention he needs...you cannot change the world...you can make the life of a child better...
The other day I helped an old woman board the tram, took her heavy bag and hold her hand steady the gave her my seat, she was very appreciative of it, thinking that I am not a native helping a 90 year-old woman for her means a lot...and yes she must have appreciated the goodness in small things for the woman was born during the time of War.