A church is a place in which gentlemen who have never been to heaven brag about it to persons who will never get there.

Late afternoon over the Yarra River. Melbourne, April 2010.

It's taken me a while to post some of the photos that I took on a quick jaunt to Melbourne back in April. I was fortunate that what was a foggy and overcast morning turned into a sunny day, enabling me to snap off a few shots of the city before heading back to the airport.

This of course is an easy segue into today's potentially explosive and controversial Sunday Top Five, My Top Five Reasons Why Melbourne Is Better Than Sydney!

5: They play proper football there.

4: By and large - Collingwood supporters/Jeff Kennett aside - Melbournians are friendlier than their uppity counterparts in Sydney.

3: Melbourne is easier to get around. The grid layout helps, but Sydney's suburban insularity and shoddy public transport (coupled with supremely unhelpful locals) doesn't help.

2: The lazy reliance on the harbour, an impressive bridge and a dingy opera house that can't actually accommodate large-scale opera and ballet performances has meant that Sydney is an architecturally barren wasteland of ill-conceived and half baked buildings. It appears that some thought has been given to Melbourne in this regard.

1: It was founded and settled by Van Diemens Land-ers Tasmanians!

Some metrosexual buildings that have a slight comic book effect. Melbourne, April 2010.

If I had to live in another Australian city, I'd probably choose Melbourne. It's a good looking town, with plenty to do and less of a wanker quota than Sydney, Brisbane or Perth.


A fish selling Melbourne in trendy fancy-pants Federation Square. Melbourne, April 2010.

Off the top of my head, here are some other reasons Melbourne is better than Sydney: closer to Australia's "Mecca" of Burnie; better food; better shopping; better festivals; trams; better stadiums; less polluted; better traffic; better markets; better knitting shops; better tennis Grand Slams; Essendon; better cricket ground; former Australian capital; less expensive; less gangland criminals (now that they've murdered each other; less race-related riots; biomedical research; better health system; James Hird; St Kilda is better than Bondi; class division more pronounced in Sydney; Melbourne is more multicultural (in a good way); proper seasons; better scarves; less cockroaches; better dim sims; less uptight; wider footpaths; better coffee; better cycle paths; and nicer parks.

That said, Melbourne does have a rubbish airport.