I'm all in favour of free expression provided it's kept rigidly under control.

Just how many tigers are too many tigers? Melbourne Zoo, April 2011.

I expect that three or four tigers probably constitutes too many tigers. Once you get beyond a couple, they start to bicker and argue, and the food they require to keep that healthy sheen and lustre to their coat becomes quite expensive. In fact, I’m just about ready to rule out those eight tigers I’ve been bidding for on E-Bay….

Sunday Top Five. Already?

I’ve got it! Today’s top five is Five Words That I Commit To Using In Everyday Conversation In The Course Of The Next Week (And That You Should Too)!

• Anencephalous: “You see, the fundamental problem with that guy is that he is anencephalous. That’s the long and the short of it.



• Bloviate: “Her tendency to bloviate in times of crisis makes her completely unsuitable for leadership.



• Gobemouche: “His capacity to immediately identify and bring round every gobemouche in the room makes him a man worth knowing.”



• Ornery: “Yeah, I know him. He’s a particularly ornery fellow. I shared an office with him for a while.”



• Embrocation: “It’s okay. I’ve prepared an embrocation that I get her to rub in every morning before I leave, and every evening after I bathe. It’s good.

Now, I am more than happy to promise to slip these beauties in, but I offer the same challenge to all and sundry to see if you can check them off before this time next week. Get cracking and don’t eschew the dare!