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I am the champions!

Here's a cool little thing to try. This website records the #1 song in the United States - according to Billboard magazine - on any given date. I've already touched upon the songs that were playing during Henry's birth, but here are the charts!

Of course, me being me, I've had to check my own birth date out, and compare it with the other mugs loved ones in my family to see who's song best matches them, and more importantly, who is the best, and who are the losers!

First, we'll do Henry, as he was born last and is the weakest. Number one when he popped out was the hit by that dirty southern rapper, Ludacris - featuring Pharrell (Colin Pharrell?) - "Money Maker". In this song, Mr Ludacris claims that he is a "bedroom gangsta”. Well, Henry does like to make noise in his bedroom, I've yet to see any gunplay, but it's early doors yet!

The song also has a touch of the oldest profession about it with the line: "Shake your moneymaker. Like somebody about to pay ya." Now Henry likes to dance, but not in strip joints (to my knowledge). But who am I kidding? Let's be honest, Henry has drawn a dud here. It's an ordinary song (well, it's rubbish actually) and he's going to struggle to win this one with such a weak entry. Sorry Henry, don't blame me, blame the record-buying American public!

Now, despite the fact that I am considerably younger than my dear old wife (three whole months!) , as it is my blog it is my prerogative to leave my song until last. So next up is Jennifer, who is represented by the soul, funk, and disco fusion of Rose Royce, with the biggest hit of their career, "Car Wash"! The theme of the (not very good) 1976 Richard Pryor film Car Wash, this track has some cred as one of the most notable hits of the disco era. To some, that may be like saying the typhus has cred because it was quite popular in the nineteenth century, but I would never be so cruel.

The fact that Jen's song essentially sets the mood and tone for a seventies blaxploitation comedy at first glance makes it an unlikely source for similarities. Yet the song describes a fun and easy-going car washing business (much like a home where members of the family fling food on the walls), and this 'car wash' is a place where everything is "always cool, and the boss don't mind sometimes if you act a fool." Well, actually, that's not like Jen at all. She's a stern woman that doesn't stand for nonsense.

Despite this dissonance though, she is in a better position song-wise than dear little Henry with that terrible Lucaris song. Maybe I'll look more favourably upon hos and bitches and that sort of gear in middle age. So, without much fuss, "Car Wash" is winning.

So the pressure is on, could I possibly trump musical royalty Rose Royce? Let's see, drumroll please...

It really should go without saying that I wipe the floor with "Car Wash". Rolling Stone magazine, for example, placed my song (as I'm now calling it) as the forty-ninth greatest song of all time. Its guitar solo is ranked eighth on Guitar Magazine's Top 100 Guitar Solos. It's only one of the world's most famous and popular band's most famous and popular song!

[Now the following rant works better if you read it with the voice of a passionate Al Pacino in your head, or (even better), a young and angry Jack Nicholson.]

See, I don't even care that The Eagles are just a groups of soft-cock, over-sexed, coked-up, overrated West Coast MOR corporate phonies whose whole mainstream megabucks success involved draining out all that was good and all of the heart and all of the soul out of far superior acts like Gene Clark or Gram Parsons!

All that I care about is winning, and if that means that I have to argue that "Hotel California" by The Eagles is better than Rolls Royce's "Car Wash" or some ludicrous "Money Maker" ditty by wild child Colin Farrell, then by god I will do it.

And see, I don't even remember who sings those other songs! Get any old bum off the streets of Vladivostok in the Russian Far East or Calgary, Alberta, Canada, and they'll tell you that The Eagles sing "Hotel California". Hell, they'll probably be able to sing along with it for you!

Humbly then, I'm announcing myself the winner and awarding myself the prize (which is humility and grace - more for the pile!).

Can anyone out there top "Hotel California"? Give it a go and let me how how you do.

Comments

Coach said…
"Stuck on you" by Elvis Presley. Isnt he the King?
Kris McCracken said…
He's a good get, but the song doesn't ring any bells. The Eagles trump!

On another note, what about those magnificent Tigers? Where have they been all of these years?
The D in D & T said…
hmmm - i got 'please mr postman' by the carpenters - i think your still winning :)
Kris McCracken said…
The Carpenters are still well ahead of poor Henry!
Coach said…
I wish it was "Oh we're from Tigerland!"

What a stunning victory - I have tipped Richmond twice this year for a 100% return.

Richo up field - Northey knew it worked. Terry may put him in the back pocket next week.

I think I'm winning in terms of artist but I dont think I've ever heard the song.
Sue said…
I'm not sure where I am on your list...my birthday song is a ripper...:"Memories are Made of This" by Dean Martin... a wonderful sentiment perhaps and slightly prophetic I would like to think...but not quite my taste in music. I wish I had Elvis...like coach.
You are very lucky that Henry was not born on the day that Ludacris had some of his other songs released... the one with the short and sweet title of..."HO" or..."GREW UP A SCREW UP"...!!?!?!!!
Barry Freelove said…
Had a quick scan of that list and was pretty concerned when the results of the 90s and 80s came up - wouldn't like to have been born in those decades, not to mention the bad deal they're gonna cop from global warming.

But guess what? People in the 60s had taste...

"Get Off My Cloud" - Am very happy with that result. Not sure where the moderator will rank it, but I do believe he is a bit of a Stones fan. Personally, I'd rank "Stuck on You" pretty high and I'd bet on Coach doing a fair version of it.

Now that bloke Colin Pharrelli - he sounds like a buffoon, as well as a thief. Them lyrics are suspiciously similar to a song Hound Dog Taylor made infamous...and it was a cracker! If this is correct, Henry could be back in the game.

On another matter, I should point out Coach predicted the Tigers would "tank" the Collingwood game. Look at this week's results and it is clear he was right! Have you heard from Hollywood? Or has his allegiance shifted to the LA Raiders?
Coach said…
I think Hollywood is in flight as we write.

I couldnt resist a simple "I couldnt resist texting you" text as the final siren sounded.
Sue said…
Jase would be stoked with his song...I can just picture Roddy crooning..."(You're) Having My Baby" as Franny popped him out! ha ha ha
Kris McCracken said…
Well Henry won't be listening to this Mr Ludicrous fellow, I shall steer him into the safe hands of The Carpenters.

Of the ones raised here, Stephen Davis has produced a belter with "Get Off My Cloud", it is a ripping song by a great band.

But...

If it were "Satisfaction", "Tumbling Dice" or even "Start Me Up" it may have stood a chance, but we're talking "Hotel California", I think that I'm still in the lead by a half head.

Hound Dog Taylor would have to be banned from any contest as well. Those extra fingers gave him an unfair advantage on the slide guitar!
Barry Freelove said…
I'll bow to the moderator's objective decision - so long as he can produce vinyl evidence of "Hotel California" (with extremely heavy wear) in his record collection.
Kris McCracken said…
The vinyl unfortunately has been played so many times now that it has been reduced to dust.

I do have a worn 7" of The Models' "Outta Mind, Outta Sight" up for sale if you're interested, however.
Coach said…
I bought the album - sight unheard if you know what I mean - soon after it was released - on cassette! Not sure if I still have it.
Jim Klenke said…
Fun post, I am "Where did our love go" Supremes, August 19, 1964.
Kris McCracken said…
"Where did our love go" is an excellent riposte Jim. It’s Henry's
favourite song
, and definitely in my all time top twenty.

But, you know, "Hotel California"...
CrazyCow said…
Well I guess you're not going to allow "Tammy" by Debbie Reynolds to beat you either :-)
Kris McCracken said…
CrazyCow, any mother of Carrie Fisher deserves some recognition, I'm not sure that I can say the same for "Tammy".

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