This will hurt me...

Australian Fur Seal, Taronga Park Zoo, Sydney. September 2012. This Sunday Top Five I thought that I'd share with My Top Five Favourite Words That Rhyme With 'KNOW'! Beau Dough Faux Schmo Woe

Doctor Doctor, help me, I'm seeing stripes ! Melbourne Zoo, April 2011. I like zebras. They look good. They make cute noises. They trot about like show ponies. They have impressive backsides and powerful thighs. There are worse-smelling animals in the world. Yes, if I can swing it, I think that we'll be aiming to get Ezra a zebra for a pet next birth. Zebras keeping an eye out for marauding giraffes. Melbourne Zoo, April 2011. Well, a zebra and a penguin.

Down low at Mawson Place on Sullivan's Cove. I was hiding from a wallaby. Regular readers will know the commitment and ardour that have proven numerous times in the past with regards to highlighting the dangers that within the cold, black hearts of diminutive, cute ‘n cuddly creatures. If there is danger in the world, I’m onto it. Whether we are talking about marauding wallabies harassing old folk or badly-named kids , I’m there. Whether it is depraved seals molesting chaste penguins, I’m there. Whether it is something as ostensibly innocent as a boorish remark from an uncouth parrot , or as serious as neo-Nazi raccoons rampaging across Europe, I’m there. So when I heard about a racoon (I’ve no word as to whether it is sympathetic to Hitler or not) who chomped down on spirited Russian reveller Alexander Kirilov’s trouser snake , I thought “here we go again!” Yet on closer inspection, I must defend the right of this particular raccoon to use all reasonable force to repel the ...

Here is a dog, not to be confused with a cat. This dog can often be spotted skulking around the Salamanca waterfront each morning. I hope that it doesn’t like in one of these high rise apartments – although I suspect that it does – as life in the inner city is no life for a breed as active as the Border Collie. I’m not a dog man though; I’m more a cat man. Truth be told, I’m more a crocodile or great white shark man but good breeders can be so hard to find these days. Anyway, I thought that I might leverage off a little discussion that I had on the artistic commune of clusterflock , and share a tale from the murky belly of history. Like all good stories, it involves a romantic entanglement with a sharp tongued woman, a murder and a dark and stormy night. It also involves a cat, hence the somewhat convoluted segue. As any cat owner will know, rats are ruthless and efficient killers. If you current have a cat on staff, or have ever had one, you will no doubt be familiar with the inevita...

Aware of Henry's large appetite, the Bridgewater High School Farm's travelling roadshow wisely invested in a fence. It didn't deter the little bloke from having a go, but the three thousand volt current did eventually persuade him to give it up. Thankfully we avoided a repetition of the three missing guinea pigs and a half eaten emu experienced at last year's summer festival event (featuring a former Hooley Dooley!) at St David's Park.

I will be honest with you and admit that aside from penguins and wombats, my favourite creatures tend to be bloodthirsty killers. Thus, I am thinking of getting the lads either a crocodile or great white shark for Christmas. I mean really, isn’t this guy a cutie? If you’re a shark freak out type like me, you might like to check out this collection of images and links from Dark Roasted Blend . It’s well worth a few minutes browsing.

I understand that when many people think of Australia, they think crocodiles. Generally speaking though, crocodiles like warm weather, and thus can't be found here in Tasmania (nor Victoria, New South Wales, South Australia or the ACT). That is, all crocodiles except for the Extreme Antarctic Show Tunes Saltwater Crocodile . We happen to keep one of these very rare and dangerous beasts as a pet, to encourage a mentality of caution and safety. Like the giant saltwater crocs that you can find in the north of Australia, the Antarctic croc is an aggressive and robust animal. They tend to congregate in rivers, lakes, wetlands and sometimes in toy chests. They feed mostly on vertebrates like fish, reptiles, and mammals, and occasionally on English muffins, raisons and dried cranberries. It tends to be an 'ambush hunter', that is, it waits for fish or land animals to come close, then rushes out to attack. The most unique feature of the Tasmanian sub-species of the Antarctic croc i...

I have been meaning to take a photograph of today's subject for some time, but had continually put it off through i) a fear of getting anything worthwhile; and ii) bone idleness. It is Henry's favourite part of the Salamanca district, the large salmon aquarium at Tasall's Salmon Shop . As I am sure that most people are aware, getting a decent photograph of fish in an aquarium is a tricky business. This is compounded when you are dealing with an unlit aquarium, as is necessary with a fish like the noble salmon. This one was taken yesterday, one of just four as I had to keep an eye on what the little bloke was up too. I have worked a little magic with the very compact "Microsoft Office Picture Manager" (an underrated little photo fiddler). Technically, it isn't much of a photo, but I am sure that you get the drift of the salmon. What has surprised me is the number of people here in Hobart who haven't paid a visit. I would encourage you all to, as it is a coo...

With a nod (and a wink) to the Defamer website, I was both pleased and intrigued to see Hollywood heartthrob Nic Cage posing with a long dead Tasmanian tiger in The Age yesterday . [Aside: All right, I know that Nic Cage looks like some random homeless guy, but I have yet to trot out the 'Hollywood heartthrob' tag on this blog yet, and this seemed the ample opportunity!] So right, back to Nic and the thylacine. Apparently, the star "requested his photo be taken in front of the Tasmanian tiger". The film that he's promoting doesn't seem to have anything to do with extinct animals, he just appeared to take a fancy to it. I personally like the absolute gravity and solemnity in Cage's facial expression and posture. This is amplified by the facial expression on the stuffed marsupial. Seriously, it looks like one of those idiots that pop up on TV every now and then behind a weatherman or sports reporter with a "wait a sec, is that camera? Hey, I'm on ...

Even though I like to project a certain rugged, manly exterior, I have a fondness for cute 'n cuddly animals that could rival most three year olds. To be honest though, I have an even greater fondness for ruggedly handsome animals. By this, I mean everything from the much maligned crocodile or great white shark, to the tough and sturdy penguin or humble chicken. Another fellow that I have taken a shine to is the marvellous Henry the sea lion. Henry is a popular visitor to Adelaide beaches, and he has been tracked by satellite for the past six weeks and the information converted into a nifty little website detailing where he goes and what he eats. So if like me, you like this sort of thing, visit Henry's website and have a good browse around. It's well worth the trip!

I give thanks to the eagle-like gaze of true patriots like those at Obscene Desserts , whose alert eyes may well avert future catastrophes for humanity. I should really put them onto the case of the mysterious, yet somehow evil terrorgnome of Salta province ! Yet it is important that vigilant citizens do not get too distracted by the tiny menace of Tucumán teens (how about that for a sentence?). The new threat to society as we know it comes from a far greater evil: Nazi racoons! Yes, it appears that an army of militaristic mammals are on the march and threatening Europe in a manner not seen since World War Two. Even worse, these beasts appear to have been handpicked by evil Nazi genius (and sometime cross-dresser) 'Hungry' Hermann Göring! See everyone's favourite paper The Sun for more! I am almost too scared to contemplate the other evil revealed by all of this: the "Kitler" phenomenon. That is, cats that look like Hitler !

I’m not going to lie to you, I like penguins. I especially like it when they gather in large groups.

C'mon, how could you not want a couple of dozen or so of these baby porcupines? (Pic gleaned from Miss Cellania .)