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Now Rocky Raccoon, fell back in his room only to find Gideon's bible. As Gideon checked out, he left it no doubt, to help with good Rocky's revival.


Down low at Mawson Place on Sullivan's Cove. I was hiding from a wallaby.

Regular readers will know the commitment and ardour that have proven numerous times in the past with regards to highlighting the dangers that within the cold, black hearts of diminutive, cute ‘n cuddly creatures.

If there is danger in the world, I’m onto it. Whether we are talking about marauding wallabies harassing old folk or badly-named kids, I’m there. Whether it is depraved seals molesting chaste penguins, I’m there. Whether it is something as ostensibly innocent as a boorish remark from an uncouth parrot, or as serious as neo-Nazi raccoons rampaging across Europe, I’m there.

So when I heard about a racoon (I’ve no word as to whether it is sympathetic to Hitler or not) who chomped down on spirited Russian reveller Alexander Kirilov’s trouser snake, I thought “here we go again!”

Yet on closer inspection, I must defend the right of this particular raccoon to use all reasonable force to repel the illicit advances what clearly must be a filthy, drunken pervert. The headline from that renowned journal of record, The Sun (UK):
Toothy raccoon bit off manhood

It appears that the mucky Muscovite was out on the razzle, feeling a bit randy and decided “’ere we go, I’ll have some fun here” and tried to rape the wee beastie.

But he reckoned with the wrong animal, rather than go down without a fight [snigger, snigger], our unnamed hero decided that enough was enough and that an act of extreme violence was necessary to protect its honour!

I for one say HEAR HEAR!

Of course, this never would have happened had Kirilov decided to show a bit more sensitivity and cracked onto a Great White Shark. I have it on very good authority that these angels of the sea are very generous and gentle lovers...

Comments

Vince said…
wonderfully random track that on the "white" album - especially the hot-hot-hot honky-tonk piano fills in between verses. back in the '80s when I used to do a guitar duo gig on a Monday night at the Doghouse with Scott Bywater, we used to a cover of it...unfortunately, no piano tho...

Bloody Russians - geez they can be troublemakers.
Kris McCracken said…
VMeister, so you did the honky tonk on the guitar?
Vince said…
only a poor, pale, effete semblance of the piano chord sequence as mimicked on guitar ... we FELT honky-tonk doing it, though.

It was always a pot...err, popular number nonetheless

That was a great venue for live music - some of your [many, and may I say, it's damned impressive!] loyal thiswillhurtme readers may possibly recall the place.

One of our favourite (local) bands who played at the Dog at the time was called "Absolute Beginners" and they remain the only live act I have seen to do covers by Magazine, Elvis Costello, Paul Simon, The Doors and Johnny Cash in the same set!
Anonymous said…
Great story. I wonder why I'm not surprised it was in The Sun?

Happy birthday to Jen :)
yournotalone said…
I didn't read the story, but I like the placement of camera:D
Kris McCracken said…
Vmeister, I would like to see you tackle All I Need Is A Miracle by Mike and the Mechanics.
Kris McCracken said…
Jackie, you’re not fond of The Sun? It’s a fine paper. Quality journalism.
Kris McCracken said…
Aigars, and I didn't even get splinters!
Vince said…
All I Need is a Miracle is probably a slightly-too-high key for my ageing vocal capacity mate. Although I'd have a go. hell - I had a go at Sex on Fire at a wedding reception I played at on the weekend, and people said it was ok.
crikey, elton john can't sing half of his famous numbers anymore as his voice has aged - when we saw him at York park a year or so ago he simply avoided all the high bits (Benny, Tiny Dancer, Your Song) and just simply didnt play others, like Someone Saved etc ...
Kris McCracken said…
VMeister, stick to the Neil Young then...

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