Old Ads That I Like #10

This is what I believe they call “High Concept” advertising. Very L.A. Here’s how I see the pitch going down: [Warning, this may contain words that offend.]

“there’s this fucken’ monkey right, really freaky lookin’ thing. He sorta looks like these old chinamen that hang about in those opium dens right? And this monkey is probably stoned, off his fucken’ head or something you know man, real far gone kinda deal. Anyway, this monkey's a bit ropey looking, kinda wrong-side-of-the-tracks. He’s on a downer, seen better days and he knows it. He’s probably stolen the bike and on the lam. Yeah, he’s on the run. That’s why he’s goin’ so fast you see. He’s tearin’ down the mountain out the middle of nowhere off his fucken’ head, not a fucken’ care if he lives or dies.

And get this, man (and this is the killer, man), he’s got this parrot with him. Who knows where he’s got it from, but he’s got this god damned parrot! And this parrot don’t look too happy bein’ there right? She’s old, maybe she’s got mange or somthin’ like that. This is the sort of parrot that’s been around a bit ya see, she’s been around the block a few times see? Maybe she’s been perched up on some sailor’s shoulder, been at sea, somehow she’s ended up stuck in some whore’s parlour, watching the filth and the corruption traipse right on through. And somehow she’s with this monkey right? Right? And we’re not sure if she’s really WITH the monkey, or if he’s just ‘with’ the monkey. Can you see it man? Can you see it? Maybe this monkey makes this parrot do stuff. Maybe this parrot just does it. Who fucken’ knows. THAT’S the point, ya see.

And the tagline man, the tagline’s where we’ll really get ‘em. Get this, “We’re having a heavenly time”! Did you catch that man? “We’re having a heavenly time”! This fucken’ wild, fucken’ crazy monkey on a one way journey to hell and some fucken scabby old whore’s parrot and they’re havin’ a “heavenly time”! Once this hits the streets those fucken’ bikes of yours will be flyin’ off the shelves, mark my fucken’ words, I know what I’m talkin’ about, I’ve been in this business a long time.”

Comments

Ah, Joe, you never knew the whole of it...

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