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Collapse in Kingston!

Kingston, Jamaica. Australia looked in the box seat but have had a little collapse late on to be four wickets down for just 17 runs. They still lead by 136 runs, but the four guys out are all batsmen, including Hussey and Ponting.

Now, I'm not one of these guys who has jumped on the "I hate Australia because they are so arrogant" bandwagon. However, I want the Windies to win. I have decided to run through today's team to try and figure out what the reason may be.

Jaques: Can't even spell his own name correctly. New South Welshman, which means he has had a 'smooth selection' into test cricket. Looks unfit, and he's a rubbish fielder. Let's just say I haven't warmed to him...

Katich: How many chances does one bloke get? And isn't it funny that it has taken a move to New South Wales to get all of these chances?

Ponting: He is originally from Tassie, but has lived in New South Wales for years now. Consider that a black mark against his name.

Hussey: I like him. Waited around for years until he got a run. Should have moved somewhere else, that may have helped.

Hodge: I don't like him, but he has had a rough run with selection. How they persevered with M. Clarke and Katich while he wasn't given a run is beyond me (actually, that's not true, we all know why).

Symonds: He seems a nice enough fellow off the field, but has an awful sense of style. Consider me on the fence.

Haddin: Meh. New South Welshman. I like Ronche.

Johnson: Would have chosen Noffke myself.

Clark: New South Welshman. Seems a nice chap.

BLee: New South Welshman. This may explain getting picked consistently for 7 years without producing. He's come good, but if you wait around at the bust stop that long, it'll eventually arrive.

MacGill: New South Welshman. I am sure that this contributes to the fact that I have honestly never disliked a cricketer more than S.C.G. MacGill*. It's rare to see such a pretentious, posing, odious little thug in the game of cricket. Look at his two wickets today, Morton and Chanderpaul. Rubbish balls that batsmen get too excited about and get caught slogging, I'm sure that there is an art in it, but forgive me for longing for good balls getting wickets.

[* I tell a lie actually, I didn't like Hansie Cronje from the moment I saw him.]

Looking over that, the reason is obvious. I want the Windies to win because (if you include Ponting) seven of the eleven are from New South Wales. I can't be seen supporting that sort of carry on!

Comments

Anonymous said…
Hi there, firstly I like your style, but it would be nice if before any comments on a person you knew the truth before doing so... this is in respect to the comment made of Phil Jaques; your comments: "Jaques: Can't even spell his own name correctly. New South Welshman, which means he has had a 'smooth selection' into test cricket. Looks unfit, and he's a rubbish fielder. Let's just say I haven't warmed to him..." Phil Jaques , I am not sure about the first comment spelling his own name.. please enlighten us on this...???? In regards to unfit, the guy gets up EVERY morning runs 8kms to the Gym, works out for almost 2 hours with a personal trainer and then runs back 8kms... unfit, what do you do??? Feilding, well you got us there, however there is a god reason, Phil Jaques (did I spell that properly?) has been putting up for years with some not quite 100% contacts as he has had eye problems since birth to see the ball coming is a huge thing to do with inadequate sight, However, having said this he just 2 weeks ago had laser surgery and he believes this will help him greatly ! I hope this helps you with future writings and at least warm you a little to my little cousin...

Yours.. Michael Jaques... Yes Spelt correctly!
freefalling said…
Me too!!!
Stuart MacGill!!!
He's got a wine bit in the weekend magazine in The Herald Sun.
Wanker.
Kris McCracken said…
I'll have to tone down on Phil from now on! If it makes you feel any better, Phil and Stuart Clark do come across as the more likable NSW players!

To the responses!

First, I must admit that I have always seen the name 'Jacques' (the French version of the name Jacob, James or Jack, eg Jacques Brel; Jacques Cousteau; Jacques Derrida; Jacques Kallis; Hattie Jacques etc) spelled with a 'c'. I was sort of trying to be funny. No offence to all of the 'c-less' 'Jaques' out there (from a man whose name is 'Kris' not 'Chris').

Second, I never said he was unfit, just that he looked unfit. I'm just comparing him to the svelte Jamie Cox you see, who I'm still bitter never got a run in the test side (part of my bitterness to the NSW players, without doubt)!

Let's hope the laser works, it might make all the difference. I wear contacts myself and would go down that track if I had the dosh!

Now, for me to come around and give Phil a fair go, I want to know one thing: is he a cat or a dog man?
Anonymous said…
A Dog man... and the reason????
Kris McCracken said…
Well, you can learn a lot about a person if you know whether they prefer dogs or cats.
Barry Freelove said…
I warn all contributors that someone may have hacked into the "This will hurt me". I believe the preceding post is not the work if Kris McCracken, but some lunatic who's copped a few too many bouncers (in the era before helmets).
Kris McCracken said…
I know your game Stephen Davis, you won't be happy until the entire eleven are New South Welshmen!
I supported the Windies because I back the underdog and it's about time world cricket had a world-class Windies outfit again (though preferably not as surly or reliant on the short pitched stuff). I also supported NZ. So no surprise that both lost.

Michael J: sense of humour failure pal. Off the topic anyhow, since as we all know fat lads can make great cricketers. I chose the following pie appreciation XI a while ago:

Boon.
Taylor
Cowdrey
Inzy
Gatting
Beefy Botham
Rod Marsh
Pre-2003 Flintoff
Warne
Merve Hughes
Bruce Reid

I'd back 'em against the current Oz XI any day.

Maybe McCraken was using the same type of helmet as Flynn, the Kiwi chap, who lost a tooth on Saturday

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