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Marital Bliss

Regular readers of this blog will know how passionately committed I am to ensuring that people are empowered to cultivate a marriage that remains loving, passionate and most of all successful. Whether it is awareness around ignorance in the area of inadequate drainage; the importance of complete feminine hygiene, particularly when a wife is lax about issues related to her charm and health; the intimate relationship between a woman’s work ethic and her attractiveness; why regular beatings are not conducive to a constructive partnership; as well as the importance of fresh coffee.

Thus, I would like to think that this record, and many, many years of successful marriage (over two consecutive years and rising!) more than establishes my qualifications as an effective source of marital guidance. Personably, I owe most of my practical knowledge about dealing with a temperamental spouse through the groundbreaking and still magnificent work of the long departed, but dearly missed, Barbara Woodhouse. As with most things – parenting, courting, teaching, sheet metalworking – Ms Woodhouse has been my mentor and guide. There is nothing more effective in life than a firm hand, a firmer voice and the recourse to a choke chain!

Thus, one can imagine my delight when I stumbled upon Dr George W. Crane’s Marital Rating Scale while perusing the American Psychological Association’s excellent publication Monitor on Psychology. I have included the first page of Dr Crane's questionnaire to give you a taste of the sound reasoning that provides the foundation for the effective evaluation of one's wife.



Of course, one cannot (and should not) rely on page one of the scale, but it should offer a guide on where your wife may be succeeding or failing. I subjected my wife to the scale earlier today, and was equally encouraged and disturbed by the results. She excelled with regards to good drainage, excellent hygiene, putting children to bed, and in the fact that she "reacts with pleasure and delight to marital congress" (normally); but let herself down in relation to “putting her cold feet on husband at night”, not “dressing for breakfast” and he lack of regular church attendance.

Perhaps it is time to reintroduce the choke chain?

Comments

Look I don't want to let people in on my own fetishes, much less my private life, but 'dressing for breakfast' is not necessarily a merit point, depending on circumstances eating a croissant with a naked woman is a good start to the day from my pov anyway.
CJumper said…
Barbara W. was wrong. There ARE some dogs she could not communicate with. The worst, she said, was a Great Pyrenees.

I was raised with Pyrs and have had a couple live out long lifespans. They expect to be partners, not servants.

One went for Barbara's throat when she was trying her "No Bad Dogs" routine. Pyrs hate to be patronized, too.

I can't blame the Pyr. I'd go for her throat, too.
Kris McCracken said…
I have always thought of the Great Pyrenees as a golden retriever on steroids :)
I reproduced the picture on my blog, as it had also appeared in one of the broadsheets over here, but am afraid to say that a reader has pointed out it is a fake ... but then another reader (Australian expat JMB) who is in her 70s observes that it pretty much reflects attitudes in her youth in Australia in the 50s; Kris I'm sure that Tasmania was an exception ... or not ... ?
Kris McCracken said…
Ump, a quick review of the scholarly literature around marital roles and advice in the period, coupled with Crane's publication records all point to it being legit in my mind. Crane is cited over and over in peer reviewed Gender Studies journals, and the contributor to Flickr says that his/her 'mom' gave it to him/her as a joke, not that the booklet itself was a joke.

It doesn't at all stand out as particularly in the context of marital advice in the period (and for some time after), as both yourself and JMB have pointed out. Betty Friedan talked about Crane and his ilk quite a bit in her work.
• Eliane • said…
Hi Kris, I am stopping by to thank you for your comment on my humble blog yesterday. Instead, I am having a lot of fun discovering your blog from way down under. Well, I still thank you for stopping by. :)
“putting her cold feet on husband at night” made me laugh. Oh boy.

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