Today I present to you the second instalment of Sports Logos Worthy of Ridicule or Admiration. Last week we dealt with Tigers, and I found fertile ground for derision and approval. This week though, we lean a little more heavily towards the ridicule. Given the topic, it could not be avoided. So, without further ado, this week’s topic!
EPISODE TWO: ANIMALS IN SWEATERS
It appears to be a noted feature of the US collegiate system that animals are often best presented in nifty sweaters with embroidered logos. I would like to think that today’s collection proves otherwise.
Here we have the archetype: the poshly-named college jock from sunny Florida. The Florida Gators logo seen here was in use for most of the 1990s. It shows Albert E. Gator, who – judging by appearances – is a constipated former Marine drill sergeant positively radiating a passive/aggressive tendency. I personally think that Albert looks a bit of a nob, but not everybody thinks would agree. In June 2007, Sports Illustrated ranked Albert as the #1 mascot in their “Mascot Power Rankings”. This kind of makes me realise that there must be a lot of crap out there to be mined for columns like this one.
This guy, Victor E. Panther, was the Wisconsin-Milwaukee Panthers logo in use from 1989 until 2001. To me, he comes across as smug, conceited and, by the looks of that arms, is most likely a steroid user. Maybe that is what they were going for. I doubt that they wanted such a vibe as "definite prospect for spousal abuse". To be totally blunt, I wouldn't even rule out date rape, that’s how dodgy this fellow presents himself. No doubt his daddy would know someone, money would exchange hands and Victor yet again escapes punishment to offend again. I'm not sure that this is the sort of message that you want to be sending out to the kids. Thankfully, Victor was removed as mascot and has not been seen since. I have heard that he is holed up with the Bundaberg Bear, but that is as yet unconfirmed.
As appears to be the trend with college mascots in sweaters, jumpers or skivvies, this guy has another posh name, Buckingham U. Badger to be exact. The mascot of the University of Wisconsin–Madison, it is said that his friends call him Bucky, but judging by that surly look on his face and the lip curled like that I would wager that people are calling him Buckingham. I do note that he seems to be wearing black gloves. This, coupled with the needlessly upright strut, makes him seem a criminal of the petty but malicious variety. Again, not the message that you would want to be sending. In his defence, this guy seems more a thoughtless delinquent rather than potential rapist like Victor E. Panther above.
The South Carolina State Bulldogs primary logo that you see here (and is still in use), is an unnamed marching bulldog with red SC sweater and a rather fetching blue hat. I think that whoever pitched the design focused on one word, ‘gnarled’. I am considering printing out dozens of copies of this fellow’s head and pasting them in dictionaries around Tasmania underneath the word ‘gnarled’. If I were casting a film about this bulldog, I’d have to toss a coin to decide between Ernest Borgnine or Walter Matthau in the lead role, but to be honest with you, they are just not gnarled enough! Unfortunately, he also appears to have been neutered, which means that a little post-production work on the voice might be called far.
Here is one that combines three of my favourite things: a cheap design, poor colour choice and a stupid-looking animal in a sweatshirt. Yes, it is the current primary logo for the Rider Broncos. I couldn’t find a name for him, but we’ll call him 'Randy'. He looks an ideal dim-witted chum for Victor E. Panther. Big on steroids and light on brains I think that we could safely assume that Randy is at college on a football scholarship, majoring in cultural studies. A nasty-looking piece of work, one wonders how Randy spends his time away from the gym. He should be hitting the books, but I suspect that he is more likely to be hitting his pregnant girlfriend on his way to dropping her off at the family planning clinic. In other words, ideal mascot material.
To complete the trifecta of strutting muscle-bound freaks is ‘Tuffy’ the swaggering mascot for the North Carolina State Wolfpack (although sadly the logo has been changed). You know, I am very glad that they have that name, because I never would have figured Tuffy for a wolf. A cat maybe. Or a racoon. Perhaps a weird hybrid cat/racoon/pug genetic monstrosity, but definitely not a wolf. Redeeming him somewhat is that tremendously camp sailor’s hat. I can see Tuffy here proudly frequenting the gay bars down by the waterfront confidently trawling for a bit of rough trade. For me, this is exactly the kind of thing I like in a mascot.
Here we have the logo for the Minnesota Golden Gophers. Although Minnesota is often labelled the “Gopher State”, and ‘Goldy Gopher’ has been the mascot for the University of Minnesota-Twin Cities campus for around 80 years, the logo does not actually look much like a gopher. Compare Goldy as he looks here and a line-up of a bunch of random rodents, and I would defy anybody but Stevie Wonder to identify him a gopher. Seriously, click here to see a gopher. What is the deal with Goldy’s fuzzy tail? Click on these other links to compare him to a chipmunk, or a squirrel. Hell, I reckon even a beaver is closer to the mark! This makes me wonder about the quality of teaching within the Zoology Department at the University. Seriously, I can only imagine that they’ve decided to cobble together some general traits of furry animals and claim that it is a gopher. With regards to Goldy himself, well, the kindest thing that I can say about him is that he looks like a college jock called ‘Chad’ who hates queers and likes chugging beers with the odd circle jerk between friends thrown in to make him hate himself more than he already does. Thumbs down.
+Terriers+primary+logo+in+use+since+1994.gif)
For the last example, I have deliberately chosen a non-anthropomorphic pooch. This is a good thing in my book, as animals are animals and humans are humans (as well as animals), but it’s best that we keep a healthy distance, least we venture into some sort of twisted Mr Hands type fiasco. Yet the notion of a sweater on a dog is in-and-of0itself a ridiculous notion and best left to the likes of Paris Hilton and the brain dead jet set. Let’s face it, the St. Francis (NY) Terriers current primary logo just looks silly. As far as I know, it doesn’t have a name, but something snobbish like ‘Chester’ or ‘Barrington’ would fit, but it would hardly strike fear into the hearts of the opposition would it?
COMING UP...
EPISODE TWO: ANIMALS IN SWEATERS
It appears to be a noted feature of the US collegiate system that animals are often best presented in nifty sweaters with embroidered logos. I would like to think that today’s collection proves otherwise.
Here we have the archetype: the poshly-named college jock from sunny Florida. The Florida Gators logo seen here was in use for most of the 1990s. It shows Albert E. Gator, who – judging by appearances – is a constipated former Marine drill sergeant positively radiating a passive/aggressive tendency. I personally think that Albert looks a bit of a nob, but not everybody thinks would agree. In June 2007, Sports Illustrated ranked Albert as the #1 mascot in their “Mascot Power Rankings”. This kind of makes me realise that there must be a lot of crap out there to be mined for columns like this one.
This guy, Victor E. Panther, was the Wisconsin-Milwaukee Panthers logo in use from 1989 until 2001. To me, he comes across as smug, conceited and, by the looks of that arms, is most likely a steroid user. Maybe that is what they were going for. I doubt that they wanted such a vibe as "definite prospect for spousal abuse". To be totally blunt, I wouldn't even rule out date rape, that’s how dodgy this fellow presents himself. No doubt his daddy would know someone, money would exchange hands and Victor yet again escapes punishment to offend again. I'm not sure that this is the sort of message that you want to be sending out to the kids. Thankfully, Victor was removed as mascot and has not been seen since. I have heard that he is holed up with the Bundaberg Bear, but that is as yet unconfirmed.
As appears to be the trend with college mascots in sweaters, jumpers or skivvies, this guy has another posh name, Buckingham U. Badger to be exact. The mascot of the University of Wisconsin–Madison, it is said that his friends call him Bucky, but judging by that surly look on his face and the lip curled like that I would wager that people are calling him Buckingham. I do note that he seems to be wearing black gloves. This, coupled with the needlessly upright strut, makes him seem a criminal of the petty but malicious variety. Again, not the message that you would want to be sending. In his defence, this guy seems more a thoughtless delinquent rather than potential rapist like Victor E. Panther above.
The South Carolina State Bulldogs primary logo that you see here (and is still in use), is an unnamed marching bulldog with red SC sweater and a rather fetching blue hat. I think that whoever pitched the design focused on one word, ‘gnarled’. I am considering printing out dozens of copies of this fellow’s head and pasting them in dictionaries around Tasmania underneath the word ‘gnarled’. If I were casting a film about this bulldog, I’d have to toss a coin to decide between Ernest Borgnine or Walter Matthau in the lead role, but to be honest with you, they are just not gnarled enough! Unfortunately, he also appears to have been neutered, which means that a little post-production work on the voice might be called far.
Here is one that combines three of my favourite things: a cheap design, poor colour choice and a stupid-looking animal in a sweatshirt. Yes, it is the current primary logo for the Rider Broncos. I couldn’t find a name for him, but we’ll call him 'Randy'. He looks an ideal dim-witted chum for Victor E. Panther. Big on steroids and light on brains I think that we could safely assume that Randy is at college on a football scholarship, majoring in cultural studies. A nasty-looking piece of work, one wonders how Randy spends his time away from the gym. He should be hitting the books, but I suspect that he is more likely to be hitting his pregnant girlfriend on his way to dropping her off at the family planning clinic. In other words, ideal mascot material.
To complete the trifecta of strutting muscle-bound freaks is ‘Tuffy’ the swaggering mascot for the North Carolina State Wolfpack (although sadly the logo has been changed). You know, I am very glad that they have that name, because I never would have figured Tuffy for a wolf. A cat maybe. Or a racoon. Perhaps a weird hybrid cat/racoon/pug genetic monstrosity, but definitely not a wolf. Redeeming him somewhat is that tremendously camp sailor’s hat. I can see Tuffy here proudly frequenting the gay bars down by the waterfront confidently trawling for a bit of rough trade. For me, this is exactly the kind of thing I like in a mascot.
Here we have the logo for the Minnesota Golden Gophers. Although Minnesota is often labelled the “Gopher State”, and ‘Goldy Gopher’ has been the mascot for the University of Minnesota-Twin Cities campus for around 80 years, the logo does not actually look much like a gopher. Compare Goldy as he looks here and a line-up of a bunch of random rodents, and I would defy anybody but Stevie Wonder to identify him a gopher. Seriously, click here to see a gopher. What is the deal with Goldy’s fuzzy tail? Click on these other links to compare him to a chipmunk, or a squirrel. Hell, I reckon even a beaver is closer to the mark! This makes me wonder about the quality of teaching within the Zoology Department at the University. Seriously, I can only imagine that they’ve decided to cobble together some general traits of furry animals and claim that it is a gopher. With regards to Goldy himself, well, the kindest thing that I can say about him is that he looks like a college jock called ‘Chad’ who hates queers and likes chugging beers with the odd circle jerk between friends thrown in to make him hate himself more than he already does. Thumbs down.
+Terriers+primary+logo+in+use+since+1994.gif)
For the last example, I have deliberately chosen a non-anthropomorphic pooch. This is a good thing in my book, as animals are animals and humans are humans (as well as animals), but it’s best that we keep a healthy distance, least we venture into some sort of twisted Mr Hands type fiasco. Yet the notion of a sweater on a dog is in-and-of0itself a ridiculous notion and best left to the likes of Paris Hilton and the brain dead jet set. Let’s face it, the St. Francis (NY) Terriers current primary logo just looks silly. As far as I know, it doesn’t have a name, but something snobbish like ‘Chester’ or ‘Barrington’ would fit, but it would hardly strike fear into the hearts of the opposition would it?COMING UP...
LOGOS FEATURING FOOD!
WERE ALL THE GOOD ARTISTS DEAD?
and WHAT ON EARTH IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE?
Comments
Michael, I will consider your request. I like the idea you have, but your blog name kind of puts me off.