A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth.

Plums? St Johns Park, New Town. February 2011.

I don’t have anything, so here is a questionnaire.

1. Is there anything you wanted growing up from Santa that you never got?
Probably a swimming pool, but it was always a tough ask.

2. Where is the best place you've ever vacationed?
I enjoyed Germany and the Czech Republic very much.

3. Where is your favourite place to go when you need some time to yourself?
Myself? Huh…?

Probably a beach somewhere.

4. What is the current book you are reading, and your favourite book?

As I type this, Victor Pelevin’s The Blue Lantern. I don’t have a single favourite book, but Catch-22, Lolita, If This is a Man, The Tin Drum, Darkness at Noon, For Whom The Bell Tolls, Things Fall Apart and about thirty others make the short list.

5. What is your favourite element?

Nitrogen is always good fun.

6. Do you believe in aliens from other planets and what do you think they look like?

Well, logic would suggest that if it could happen on one planet, circumstances could well arise elsewhere. I’m not a believer in them visiting here all the time though.

7. What did you hope to be, what was your dream job when you were younger?

Opening the bat for Australia in the summer, full back for Essendon in the winter, fronting a successful (both critically and commercially) musical combo and general fancy man of assorted supermodels.

Time’s running out.

8. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

Tired, vaguely frustrated and surround by humungous shoes.

9. What is your favourite Disney movie?

Finding Nemo, although all of the Toy Story films are great.

10. What is the best dessert you've ever eaten?

I can’t go past a well done crème brûlée.