Sunday, October 30, 2011

We exaggerate misfortune and happiness alike. We are never as bad off or as happy as we say we are.

Flying foxes have come a long way. Simmons Park, Lindisfarne. October 2011.

Today's Sunday Top Five has seen the light and finally embraced a Biblical theme! You may be familiar with many people's favourite section of that rip-roaring book of Leviticus - essentially a book of rules premised on the notion that humans are constantly vulnerable to sin and defilement; and helpfully lists the kind of ritual and rules that pleases God. For those familiar with the amount of smiting that goes on in the Old Testament, you really don't want to fail to please God.

Perhaps the most disgustdiscussed rule is the hoary old chestnut about man on man action: Leviticus 20:13:
And if a man lie with mankind, as with womankind, both of them have committed abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.


In the spirit of such calm, rational and helpful lawgiving, I decided to choose My Other Five Favourite Laws From Leviticus That The Anti-Gay Crowd Need To Sharpen Up On!

  • First up, we find ourselves at the filthy and horrid Leviticus 20:18: And if a man shall lie with a woman having her sickness, and shall uncover her nakedness--he hath made naked her fountain, and she hath uncovered the fountain of her blood--both of them shall be cut off from among their people.

    And fair enough too, the dirty buggers!

  • Second, we look to Leviticus 19:19: Thou shalt not let thy cattle gender with a diverse kind; thou shalt not sow thy field with two kinds of seed; neither shall there come upon thee a garment of two kinds of stuff mingled together.

    Agreed. Anyone that mix-breeds animals affronts God! Fair dinkum, it makes me sick every time I look at my wife's collected on woollen blends. Two kinds of stuff SHOULD NOT mingle together!

  • Next we see Leviticus 19:27: Ye shall not round the corners of your heads, neither shalt thou mar the corners of thy beard.

    Take note celebrity hairdresser Joh Bailey!

  • Another favourite has to be Leviticus 11:10–12: And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that swarm in the waters, and of all the living creatures that are in the waters, they are a detestable thing unto you, nd they shall be a detestable thing unto you; ye shall not eat of their flesh, and their carcasses ye shall have in detestation. Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the waters, that is a detestable thing unto you.

    Fair points, well made. The sooner that the state enacts laws forbidding crayfish-eaters from legally entering into marriage the better!

  • Last up is a pearler, yes it is Leviticus 12:2–3: Speak unto the children of Israel, saying: If a woman be delivered, and bear a man-child, then she shall be unclean seven days; as in the days of the impurity of her sickness shall she be unclean. And in the eighth day the flesh of his foreskin shall be circumcised.

    Christians have been notoriously suspect in their intransigeance on this matter. Perhaps if we mutilated the phalluses of more man-children they'd be a little less tempted to lie with mankind as with womankind...

    Roddy said...

    What are you doing messing with the Bible? I didn't make you religious!

    Kris said...

    The bible is everywhere.