Saturday, June 16, 2012

I would sooner be broken on its wheel and buried in its barrow.



Nature and industry co-exist. The view north-west from Natone Hill, Lindisfarne. June 2012.

When the World discovered The Beatles, for a time it seemed that all things Liverpudlian was considered cool. This extended (amazingly, really) to poets. Even though Adrian Mitchell wasn't actually from Liverpool, he was someone tagged
with the 'Mersey Poet' label because he shared many of their key themes and concerns. I'm something of a fan of Mitchell, and can't help agree with his summation on the state of modern poetry in the eyes of the public, "Most people ignore most poetry because most poetry ignores most people." I like this one about protecting one's wheelbarrow. However, I am torn between 5 and 9 as the best retort. I've been waiting nigh on thirty years to use one of these...

Ten Ways to Avoid Lending Your Wheelbarrow to Anybody, Adrian Mitchell

1 PATRIOTIC

May I borrow your wheelbarrow?
I didn't lay down my life in World War II
so that you could borrow my wheelbarrow.

2 SNOBBISH

May I borrow your wheelbarrow?
Unfortunately Lord Goodman is using it.

3 OVERWEENING

May I borrow your wheelbarrow?
It is too mighty a conveyance to be wielded
by any mortal save myself.

4 PIOUS

May I borrow your wheelbarrow?
My wheelbarrow is reserved for religious ceremonies.

5 MELODRAMATIC

May I borrow your wheelbarrow?
I would sooner be broken on its wheel
and buried in its barrow.

6 PATHETIC

May I borrow your wheelbarrow?
I am dying of schizophrenia
and all you can talk about is wheelbarrows.

7 DEFENSIVE

May I borrow your wheelbarrow?
Do you think I'm made of wheelbarrows?

8 SINISTER

May I borrow your wheelbarrow?
It is full of blood.

9 LECHEROUS

May I borrow your wheelbarrow?
Only if I can fuck your wife in it.

10 PHILOSOPHICAL

May I borrow your wheelbarrow?
What is a wheelbarrow?

3 comments:

Roddy said...

I have two wheelbarrows. One however doesn't have a wheel. Well it does, but it fell off.
Which one do you want to borrow?

Kris said...

The lack of wheel might make the job a little more difficult.

Roddy said...

You could always drag it.