“She believes Marianne lacks ‘warmth’, by which she means the ability to beg for love from people who hate her.”

Suburban sights. Geilston Bay, December 2020.

Enjoyed is probably not the appropriate word for how I felt reading a tale of the lives of two extraordinarily damaged people. While I have no doubt that most “normal” people are flawed and impaired through the various mechanisms of society, culture and family, Connell and Marianne are significantly fucked up.

The tale is one of how two fucked up, emotionally stunted teenagers negotiate their lives through to young adulthood. It is hard-going at times but doesn’t shirk from the messy realities of the damage wrought by the structures supposed to raise, nurture and support young people.

The book consists in large part of chronological snippets of incidents, dialogue and internal monologues. I see that many have found Marianne an improbable and unlikeable character, but I found her tendency towards self-harming behaviour a reasonable response to the trauma of her childhood.

Connell struck me as the more fanciful. Give his inability to communicate and express his fears and hopes, I struggled to see how others reacted to him as realistic. Sure, a lot is going on in terms of inner turmoil and reflection, but the bloke barely utters more than a dozen words in a sitting. How he has managed to impress his genius upon others was a little beyond me.

Still, the story's arc rang true, and the odious types that moved into their worldview once they hit university were not unfamiliar or implausible. The endless self-defeating choices (and non-choices) of our two central characters struck me as likely as not, given the circumstances.

There is no shortage of frustrations and annoyances with our two central characters. Their decision-making and their inability to communicate in ways that advance their lives and loves in safe and sustainable ways are maddening. Still, I enjoyed the long and meandering journey to something approaching happiness and self-actualisation.

⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

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This will hurt me...

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